


All We Have

by snufflesfoot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1761731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufflesfoot/pseuds/snufflesfoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And what more could we possibly want? (He's your destiny.  And you his.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	All We Have

It is an undisputed fact that a cube has six sides.  An ant could either be trapped inside it, or scramble across its surface, but nothing more.  This goes for a piece of yellowing parchment or a shard of stained glass or a newly fallen leaf and even the pit of a cherry has a couple of sides to it.  But there is, as there always is, an exception.  
  
That ant could cover every square inch of a Mobius strip without ever crossing an edge, because a Mobius strip has only one side, the only object in the universe to do so.  And hence, this ant would be on and in and under and over and inside the strip, all at the same time.  The Mobius strip has only one side, and in doing so, contains every side, one of the very few things in the galaxies to possess such infinitum.  
  
~*~  
  
The first time Merlin was informed of this "destiny" business by the dragon, he thought it was a very good thing that the poor beast was locked and chained in the darkest pits of the castle.  
  
It was clear that it had an extremely severe case of addled-brains, and might infect everyone in the land if it were to be let out.  
  
Because it was preposterous, of course, that he would have to protect the biggest arse across the five kingdoms and even more absurd that he would be burned at the stake if it were to be found out exactly how he was doing it.   
  
But, as he quickly found out, do it he must.  
  
He had to swallow the poison and take the arrow in his stead, hide the spells and the gold in his eyes, and all the while endure the creative jibes to go along with it, and for a while, it festered and burned because he didn't need this, he could just as easily sit back and watch the arrogant arse get impaled twice in the first hour.   
  
Hell, he might even help.  
  
Because who knows, maybe that tiny dandelion weed in some far off meadow whose only purpose is to die and feed the already overgrown plant next to it, doesn't want to rot just to nourish the great oak, doesn't want to waste itself for the betterment of one measly, ungrateful tree.  
  
But it was strange.  
  
Because the first time his arms were heavy with a corpse and his heart heavy with its blood, he was startled to realize that he hadn't even hesitated.  
  
Maybe it was the way Arthur matched his father's anger with his own, but it was a different kind, a quiet and burning fury against the loud and stubborn rage.  
  
Maybe it was because he saw Arthur stopping to offer the last of his honeyed almonds to a passing little boy in the courtyard, his grip loosening on his sword just a bit.  
  
Maybe a thought had wormed its way into his head, that this foolish prince could actually grow to be a great king, because, god forbid, maybe he was already a good man.  
  
Maybe he finally grew to understand that that tiny weed had to give itself up so the great oak can shelter life a bit longer, a bit better.  
  
 _(Please don't lay your life down for me)_  
  
~*~  
  
He was the prince; he could have anything he desired.  A passing mention about his aging horse and a strong young mare would greet him in the stables the next morning.  The glance of an eye at sugared raspberries and a bowl was shoved into his hands not an hour later, the maid tripping over her own feet, and even a mumbled complaint about a worn cloak would bring the tailor knocking at his doors for another fitting.  
  
He supposed a prince got more than he wanted though because he still had the crown and the armor and the sword and they were all so cold and hard and glinting and it was too heavy on his head, too big around his shoulders, too bright for his tired eyes.  
  
And now there was the boy, the most insolent, incompetent, insufferable, incorrigible person he had ever had the misfortune to meet and he hated that rampant smirk and fumbling hands and how he smelled like warm rain and wet grass and dark nights and he wondered how dark nights would smell when tucked against him and then he had to take a great rasping breath against the ache in his chest that he knew he hadn't gotten last battle.  
  
Because the one thing he couldn't have was the one thing he really wanted.  
  
 _(Hush darling.  You'll always have me)_  
  
~*~  
  
Merlin had been engrossed in scrubbing the scuff marks from riding boots; or at least, he thought he was doing a very good job of pretending.   
  
In reality, he was absolutely content in letting the new spring sun warm his bones as he sat against the window in Arthur's chambers, chambers he really should have been tidying.  
  
And, as his cheek was resting on the windowpane, his eyes fluttering shut a few times in the cozy warmth, it was understandable how he had not noticed Arthur duck into the room, and was quite justified in his small gasp when he realized there were lips on his and he gasped again, this time into the moaning mouth, but he supposed his was moaning too and then there was just a haze of stumbling against walls and steadying against bedposts, curling hands and feverish fingers.  
  
Later, laying beside each other, Arthur would tell him that he had stared and stared and stared at the light splashing across his lips, the pale gold filtering through leaves to make a vibrant green, almost tangible and naturally, he had to make certain if it actually was tangible, and yes, Arthur was quite sure it was the light that made Merlin's lips taste so sweet and Merlin helpfully pointed out that you can't taste light and Arthur pinched him.  
  
 _(I know it wasn't the light, you fool)_  
  
~*~  
  
Arthur probably should have seen it coming.  
  
But instead he had had to admit it to himself in that dark cave that held no light for it to play tricks on him and in the pitch black, it could only be him, glowing and brimming and radiating with it, and while he stood petrified in front of him, Arthur's eyes blurred and his mouth turned a shade of sahara.  
  
Because it was incomprehensible that the boy he had trusted with his darkest secrets in the darkest of nights hadn't thought to mention a rather important one of his and absolute insanity that the fool had thought he wouldn't die first before giving him up to the king but then he remembered the great fires and little mercies and maybe he wasn't so stupid after all, the boy he was in love with.  
  
And he should have known it was too good to be true.  He couldn't really ever have him.  
  
 _(You were never my choice to make.  I made it anyway)_  
  
~*~  
  
And some years later, as he sat by the lake and looked up at the sturdy oak next to him, Merlin realized that no, Arthur wasn't a measly tree at all, he was so much bigger, he was the whole entire earth, drawing the moon into its orbit, unintentional yet inescapable.  But that was alright because the moon gave the earth light in its darkest times, and yes, it might not be able to help being pulled around, but maybe the moon doesn't want to help it because that’s where it belongs, and really, what more could it possibly want till the end of all days?

 

  
 _"I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you."_

_~The Chaos of Stars, Kierstan White_


End file.
